


one shot, two shots in the night

by discowing (ameliafromafairytale)



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Memoirs, as of february 2020: new edits made, bonus new scene with alfred!, steph and duke's scenes changed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-07 11:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ameliafromafairytale/pseuds/discowing
Summary: The New York Times ✓@nytimes · 4h“A Shot in the Dark” remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of @brucewayne’s tell-all memoir here: nyti.ms/3Fs9k2E





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is loosely inspired by [a post](https://h0ly-guacamole-batman.tumblr.com/post/184714721698/deadly-slytherin-codenamed-queenie) i saw on tumblr that was like "au where bruce gets amnesia and the kids all try to hide that he's batman from him" and when i say loosely i mean LOOSELY but thank u so much to my friends [insomniac-piggy](https://insomniac-piggy.tumblr.com/) and [drakefeathers](https://drakefeathers.tumblr.com/) for brainstorming with me :)
> 
> (title is obviously a reference to holy musical b@man lmao)

“I heard you’re finally back with us, B,” Dick says, cradling the phone between his cheek and shoulder.

“ _Hrn_.”

“Ha, there’s the grunting and monosyllables I missed!” Dick laughs. How odd is he that the sound of Bruce's stoicism comforts him? “It’s always weird seeing you with amnesia; it’s like Brucie-lite, except 24/7.”

“ _It’s not much more enjoyable for me_ ,” Bruce says.

“Yeah, I bet,” Dick hums. “Been there, done that. How’s your head?”

“ _…Feels like Clark just got done pummeling it_.”

“Thought so. Hey, you know, I had an idea.”

“ _Hm?_ ”

“I was thinking. We’ve got contingency plans for just about everything, but when one of us gets amnesia it always catches us off-guard. What if we just…made a list of the important stuff? Like a timeline, or something?”

“ _The ‘official’ version of events, you mean?_ ” Bruce asks.

“Yeah,” Dick says. “We’re master liars, but even with amnesia we're too good at picking holes in each other's stories if they haven't been prepared beforehand.”

“ _It’s not a bad idea_ ,” Bruce says. “ _I’ll put some thought into it_.”

“Ha! Timmy’s not the only one who can come up with smart stuff,” Dick laughs. “It’s good talking to you, Bruce. _Actually_ talking to you again, I mean. I missed you.”

“ _It’s good talking to you again, too, Dick_.”

“Ooh, that was almost _fond_. Well, I’ll let you go now,” Dick says. “I know you won’t listen to me, but a good night's sleep will help that headache much more than patrol or reading the case files you missed will.”

“ _…Hrn._ ”

“Love you too, B.”

 

* * *

 

 

…It wasn’t that bad of an idea, honestly.

Whenever one of them got amnesia, they rarely chose to tell the one affected about their vigilante lifestyle. Bruce could begrudge Alfred’s desire to “kill” Batman all he wanted, but the last time one of them (Dick) had gotten amnesia he’d hardly hesitated when faced with the choice of either letting his son (however briefly) experience life without the pain and weight of past or telling him everything. 

Even then, they’d been left scrambling when Bruce had come downstairs for breakfast with a black eye and stab wound to the shoulder that he hadn’t had the night before.

“We’re in an illegal fight club, but you can’t tell anyone because…it’s illegal” is not a very good excuse, it turns out, and “extreme sports” only works when the people you’re lying to aren’t actually living in the same house as you.

And honestly, it wouldn’t be that bad of an idea to have a timeline of events for the general public, one that isn’t just bits and pieces only explained to the press when absolutely necessary.

…Well, he’s never written a book before. How hard can it be?

 

* * *

 

 

Okay, so it turns out writing a memoir is a _bit_ different from coming up with the tales he spins as Brucie. He reads celebrity autobiographies to get a feel for the genre, but the problem is that Bruce Wayne as a public figure is a bizarre mix between Bill Gates and Kim Kardashian West, so it’s kind of difficult figure out how to balance those two aspects of his life in writing. Brucie Wayne the goofy playboy (a "himbo," someone had once described the persona) and Bruce Wayne the airheaded but competent CEO rarely have to appear in the same room, after all.

(Besides, he’d hated both Bill Gates and the Kardashian sisters’ memoirs.)

“If I may, Master Bruce,” Alfred says when he shares with him his frustrations, “perhaps the aspect of yourself you should focus on presenting here is not of the socialite or businessman, but rather that of Bruce Wayne the father.”

“How so?”

“Any good story has a central theme,” Alfred says. “A memoir should be no different, especially since yours would be so heavily censored it would mostly be fictional anyway.”

“And you think fatherhood is the theme I should go for?” Bruce asks.

“Fatherhood is hardly a coherent theme,” Alfred says. “I was thinking something more along the lines of your love for and devotion to your family.”

“That’s awfully sentimental, Al,” Bruce says. Left unsaid is ‘ _I don’t know if I can do that._ ’

“It would be rather fitting,” Alfred says. “You lost your family as a child, but built yourself a new one as an adult. You could talk about wanting to better yourself for your children; it would be a good excuse as to why you don’t date around as often anymore and have toned down on the drunkard act.”

“Hrn. I suppose it _would_ be bad for me to become another Hugh Heffner.”

“I shudder to think of it.”

Bruce sighs.

“This seemed like such a good idea last week when Dick brought it up,” he says.

“Need I remind you that you haven’t committed to anything, yet?” Alfred asks dryly. “There is no contract. No one is forcing you to do this but yourself.”

“But it _is_ a good idea,” Bruce says. He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I just don’t even know where to start.”

“The beginning is usually a good place,” Alfred says. “I recommend letting the old photo albums try to jog your memory.”

“You’re probably right,” Bruce says. He leans back in his chair and groans. “The League is going to be insufferable when they find out about this, Jordan and Queen in particular.”

“I imagine Master Jason will be quite amused as well.”

Another groan.

“I don’t even want to think about that yet.”

 

* * *

 

 

He takes Alfred’s advice and starts with the photo albums. He flips through, and meticulously records what he can remember of the context for each photo. Alfred’s neat penmanship faithfully tells him the date and event of each photo, but there’s a difference between reading _5 April 1981 – Bruce attends his first Wayne Foundation Gala,_ and remembering the uncharacteristically hot spring weather, the way his miniature tuxedo had chafed at his neck, the smell of his father’s cologne as he leaned in close to do Bruce’s tie, and the way his mother’s soft hands had combed back his unruly curls.

It’s a struggle to remember more of the photos than he likes. Memories fade with time, after all, and childhood memories are often the first to go. He hates that he’ll never get to remember his parents from the perspective of an adult, that the closest he’ll ever get to knowing them outside of his idealized childhood memories is through Alfred’s stories and their journals.

_19 February 1983 – Bruce receives a Gray Ghost action figure for his birthday._

The Bruce in this picture is seven years old, and grinning probably the widest he ever will in his life. He’d gotten a bike for his birthday that year as well, he remembers, but the Gray Ghost action figure had been his favorite present by far. He still has it, tucked away in one of the drawers of his bedside table.

There’s pictures from Halloweens, gentle candle-lit Hanukkahs, first days of school, first times trying new foods, high society events, and more. Photos of Bruce being happier and healthier than he likely ever will again.

The photos drop off very abruptly two months after his eighth birthday.

Bruce thinks of the back of the door to his closet and the little labeled lines that crawl their way up the wood. How _Bruce, 8 years old_ is written in his father’s hand, but _Bruce, 9 years old_ is written in Alfred’s delicate script. He thinks of permission slips for school trips signed with Alfred’s name instead of his mother or father’s. He thinks of the bar mitzvah without his father there to give thanks, of the subdued festivities afterward. He thinks of lonely dinners at an empty table, Alfred struggling over whether or not to break butler etiquette and sit with him. He thinks of a well-worn notebook tucked away in a security box of a small, local bank and the notes for how to move on that he’d written in it.

_Disappear. Feel nothing. Let go of everything. Make them feel what I feel. Don’t let anybody else leave me._

He’d told Alfred he thought doing this would be a good idea, and he still believes it. Tactically, it makes sense to have a single consistent narrative to be able to reliably fall back on in the event of another amnesia spell. Furthermore, he's already decided that one hundred percent of the proceeds will go to some kind of charity or nonprofit, maybe even more than one.

What he hadn’t told Alfred, but what he imagines his oldest friend knows anyway, is that writing this will probably be good for _him_. It won’t be a _true_ tell-all, but it will deal with some of his deepest grief, forcing him to confront it in a way he’s not sure he’s ever actually done before and bare it for strangers to see.

Pierce the skin, drain out the infection, let the healing process begin.


	2. Chapter 2

“What’s this?” Dick asks a few weeks later when he finds Bruce sitting in bed surrounded by sheets of marked up paper.

“Did you need something?” Bruce asks, not looking up from where he’s scribbling a note in the margin of paper in front of him. They’ve taken a rare evening off from patrol thanks to an unexpected and particularly harsh storm that left Dick unwilling to make the drive back to Titans Tower on his bike, but the usual reasons for Dick coming to his room this late – nightmares or some kind of breakdown – doesn’t seem to be an issue tonight.

“Nah, not really,” Dick says, flopping down to lay like a starfish next to Bruce. The bed is certainly big enough for it, though Dick’s nimble fingers poke irritatingly at his side. “Just not ready to sleep, yet, and Damian’s playing some online game with Jon that he doesn’t appreciate me distracting him from.”

“Hm,” Bruce says. “I’ll have to talk to him about how late it’s acceptable to stay up playing those things.”

“Hah!” Dick chuckles. “Now you sound like a real dad – 'those things will rot your brain, son!'”

“At least it’s not Pokémon,” Bruce says. Dick laughs as they both remember the days of Dick’s constant, endless chatter to Bruce about the strength and weaknesses of his various Pokémon teams. Dick thinks Bruce is lucky that Pokémon Go wasn't released until well _after_ he'd moved out.

“Pokémon’s not _that_ bad, B,” Dick says. “And frankly, I think Damian might like it. I wonder if I still have my old Gameboy and games tucked away somewhere…” he trails off, thinking for a moment, then jerks back to the conversation. “Anyway, that’s not what we were talking about. What’s all the papers? Doesn’t look like WE stuff.”

“Hrn,” Bruce intones. “I’m writing a memoir.”

Dick is silent for a long moment, long enough that Bruce looks over to see his eldest giving him a bemused look, like he's about two seconds from checking his temperature and summoning Alfred.

“I’m sorry,” Dick says at length, “did you just say you’re writing a _memoir?_ ”

“It was your idea,” Bruce says. “An official version of events for the next time I get amnesia.”

“Bruce, I meant like a bullet point list on loose-leaf paper, or something, not a whole-ass book.” He lets out a harsh breath. “You really are an over-achiever.”

“Hm. I’ve been told.”

“Yeah? I wonder why.” Dick sighs. “How’s it going, then? Can I see?” Dick props himself up on one elbow, scooting closer to Bruce’s side to read some of the papers.

“I’m still drafting,” Bruce says, trying to keep the defensiveness out of his voice.

“I can see that,” Dick says. “This reads like a mission report. You gotta spruce it up, add some of that Brucie flair.”

“Obviously,” Bruce says. Easier said than done, though – Brucie is an exercise in improv comedy more than anything else. Writing as Brucie is proving more difficult than he expected.

“Wait a second,” Dick says, narrowing his eyes at the page Bruce is editing. “This happened with me, not Jason!”

“What are you talking about?” Bruce asks, looking down at what he’d written. “Of course it happened with Jason. I’d remember if it happened with you.”

“Clearly not! Christ, B, do you really have to replace me with Jason even in your _memories?_ ”

“Are you – don’t be ridiculous!” Bruce snaps, though he can tell Dick doesn’t mean it as antagonistically as he would have five years ago. “I _clearly_ remember – “

“I think you've had one too many concussions, then, old man. Jesus, I can’t believe this! I’m telling Jason.” He's already furiously tapping away at his phone.

“Good!” Bruce says. “He’ll just tell you that I’m right.”

That gets him a pointed look. Okay, yes, odds of Jason admitting Bruce is right about anything are incredibly low, but Bruce _knows_ he’s right and he _knows_ Jason would kill him for mixing him up with Dick.

Dick’s phone buzzes, and Dick crows triumphantly.

“Ha!” he says, waving his phone in Bruce’s face, too close for him to be able to read the screen. “I’m right, you’re wrong! Care to question me _and_ Jason?”

Bruce leans his head back, trying to read the rapid stream of messages from his second son as they come in. It appears to be a strongly worded rant lamenting Bruce’s inability to keep his “clone army” straight. He sighs.

“Okay, okay,” he says, furiously scribbling through the section of the story with red pen, marking it up to indicate it’s a Dick story, not a Jason story. Now he’s second-guessing the other stories he’s included.

“Bruce,” Dick says, not looking up from where he's still texting Jason. Bruce wishes Jason would text him, too.

“Hm?”

“You know it’s gonna be a bloodbath if you write about one of us more than the others, right?” Bruce feels his blood freeze. “Like, it doesn’t matter that I’ve been here the longest – Damian absolutely will make your life hell if you write even _one page_ more about anyone else than him.”

“But – Duke’s barely been with us, and Damian _knows_ how we can’t tell anyone about his childhood – “

“Yeah, and Steph’s gonna give you hell too if you leave her out of this, you know.”

Bruce pinches his nose.

“They do know this is supposed to be about _my_ life, not theirs, right?”

“What life? You mean you think you have a life outside of us?” Dick grins ever so innocently.

“Right, right,” Bruce rolls his eyes. Point taken. “How could I be so foolish?”

Dick laughs.

 

* * *

 

 

The next time he boots up his laptop, he finds the Word document he’s been typing his draft in marked up with edits from Barbara. There’s corrections to his stories (it seems he’s mixed up his kids more than once, though how that’s possible, he’s not sure), notes about the timeline, and reminders of the official stories given to the press, along with general notes on standard writing things like tone and pacing.

At the bottom of the document, she’s left the contact info for a highly respected grief counselor. For once, he considers it.

 

* * *

 

 

“So,” Clark says as he and Bruce exit the conference room after the next League meeting. “Dick tells me you’re writing a memoir.”

“Hrn.”

“That’s excellent! I have a great editor I can put you in touch with, if you don’t have one already.”

“Hm. Send me their name.” Bruce has a few in mind already, but a recommendation from Clark shouldn’t be ignored.

“I can’t wait to read it when it comes out,” Clark says with a grin. “I’m surprised you’re doing it, though. I know it’ll be civilian stuff only, but even that still has some really personal topics in it.”

He knows. The things he’s putting in about his parents, about Harvey and Tommy, about Jason – even edited, it still feels like he’s leaving himself too exposed. Compared to that, the brief chapter he’s penned as his official coming out feels minor and inconsequential. He sighs.

“It’s certainly not easy,” he says. “I have Alfred and Barbara double- and triple-checking everything I write.”

“Not Dick?” Clark asks with a wry grin.

“I let Dick read _some_ of what I’ve written about him so far and he started crying.”

“Ah,” Clark chuckles. Dick comes from a household with extraordinarily high expectations where praise is rare, especially coming from Bruce. Of course reading anything remotely heartfelt about him written by Bruce would send him over the edge. The other stuff is probably a lot for him, too, given that he’s known Bruce longer than Clark and almost everyone else. “You know, I could read it too, if you want another opinion.”

“Hm.” Bruce intones. “I’ll think about it.” It’s better than an outright ‘no,’ but Clark still suspects he won’t get to read a word until the book is on store shelves.

“You know,” Clark says, “It’ll never happen, but a _Batman_ memoir would be really interesting to read.”

Bruce snorts. “Can you imagine?” he asks, picturing the chaos it would cause. The _size_ of the bounty he’d have on his head if he released everything he knows about…well, everyone. It would have to be published after his death, for sure, and with special measures taken to ensure nothing could be traced back to his living allies. Even accounting for that, he suspects it would be 1) much too long and 2) much too depressing/horrifying for anyone to actually _enjoy_ it. 

"That'll be the day," Clark agrees. "But how's the writing going so far?" Bruce shrugs.

"I have an outline," he says. "It's fleshing it out that's proving more...challenging."

"Don't like talking about your feelings?" Clark asks with a knowing grin.

"That's one way to put it," Bruce grumbles. He sighs. "It...was supposed to be an easy project," he admits, "but...it's proving to be emotionally taxing. Alfred and Barbara think I should try therapy."

"Well it certainly wouldn't _hurt,_ " Clark says. "Bruce, I've known you for years. I've thought you needed therapy even before...everything with Jason. Maybe it _is_ time to seriously consider seeing someone."

Bruce scowls. Just the thought of the NDA forms any therapist he'd see would have to sign is already giving him a tension headache.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Clark asks. Bruce rolls his eyes, but nods. "Maybe...don't pick a therapist in Gotham."

"What? _Why?_ " Bruce asks.

"Don't make that face," Clark chides. "One, you've got a flexible enough schedule that a little extra travel time won't hurt you. Two, it dramatically lowers the chances of your therapist ending up being another Haryley Quinn or Hugo Strange. And three, I just think you need to spend some time out of that city every now and then in a place where the sun actually reaches the ground."

"Metropolisian asshole..." Bruce grouses. Clark laughs.

"But seriously, consider it, okay?"

"Hrn." Clark pats Bruce on the shoulder.

"Good talk!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have all of this written, so the final two chapters will be proofread and posted tomorrow, probably. 
> 
> if you wanna see more of my batfam rambling, follow me on tumblr or twitter :) the links are in my profile! 
> 
> EDIT 2/18/20: just doing minor grammar/word choice edits and such. no big changes, dw. also, i know i slip bruce going to therapy in like everything i write, but i cannot understate how much good counseling can actually do. a few years ago my father finally started going to address his own childhood traumas, and it's amazing how much he's changed for the good since. he actually cares about my opinions now, lol. magic!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a brief graphic description of jason and the the waynes' deaths; if you wanna skip that, it starts with "He remembers the way he cradled Jason's..." and ends with "...it's amazing he remembers as much as he does." 
> 
> **EDIT 2/18/20: ive been going through and making minor grammar edits and stuff, but this chapter has some significant changes to the scenes with duke and steph.**
> 
> i realized that i was unfortunately falling too much into the tendency to characterize duke as a confused bystander/outsider, and tried to shift the focus more on his issues adapting to a new family when he's still struggling to deal with what happened to his parents. hopefully, what i've written is more in character. as for steph, i realized her scene was a bit too jokey considering the very real issues she has with bruce and the serious nature of some things i mentioned rather lightly. a simple "ok, i'll write you in more" from bruce without any real discussion of her grievances didn't really do that justice, so hopefully the changes at least somewhat fix that.

“Jason wanted me to drop this off,” Tim says when he drops by one afternoon before patrol. He leaves a spiral bound notebook on Bruce’s desk.

Bruce glances over the rims of his reading glasses (he needs to preserve his eyesight, why won’t his kids stop _laughing_ about them - ) at the notebook.

“Do you know what it is?” he asks. Tim shrugs.

“Said it was something for your memoir, I dunno.”

“Hm,” Bruce says, flipping the notebook open to glance at what’s written. Inside, he finds Jason’s spiky script listing in bullet points funny (and largely embarrassing on Bruce’s behalf) stories that he remembers from when he was a child.

On the inside front cover, there’s a sticky note that reads “ _So you don’t mix me up with Goldie again – J.”_ Glancing at what Jason’s thought to include, he feels his eyes start to burn. Quickly, he shuts the notebook and resolves to read it later in the privacy of his room where he can be emotional without there being _too_ much of a threat of being walked in on unannounced.

“That reminds me,” Bruce says. “I let Dick read what I’ve written on him so far, and I’ve had Alfred and Barbara’s help editing, but would you like to read the what I’ve written on you?” Dick’s chapter was the easiest to write in terms of how he came to live in the manor; even Jason and Duke's had required some careful fudging, and Damian’s story of how he came to join them is almost entirely fabricated. Cass's chapter had required some particularly delicate twisting of the truth given that she'd made it clear to the GCPD that her father was a known assassin when she saved Gordon's life from him. Tim’s chapter requires careful redactions since the public can’t know just how early on he was basically living with them.

Bruce has a brief moment of morbid gratitude that Jack Drake won’t see this memoir and take him to court over it. Only briefly, though, and he instantly feels guilty – no matter his opinions on how often the Drakes left Tim to his own devices, he knows their deaths were a huge blow to Tim. He won’t ever celebrate that.

“Ah – sure,” Tim says, accepting the stapled sheaf of paper Bruce passes to him over his desk. “Do you need this back by a specific time?”

“Not particularly,” Bruce says. He pauses. “I…wanted to ask,” he begins, then trails off. He's straying into awkward, unfamiliar territory, here.

“Yes?” Tim asks when Bruce doesn’t continue.

“I’m…putting a chapter in here on my sexuality,” he admits. The kids all know he’s bi, even though it’s something they haven’t discussed extensively. The (unfortunately, he grudgingly admits) brief fling he had with Clark before his own issues about intimacy got in the way is something all his kids are well-aware of, since Dick has complained at length about how Bruce's bullheaded stubbornness and refusal to effectively communicate his emotions robbed him from having Superman as a second dad. None of his kids will let him live down the fact that he had a one-night stand with Oliver Queen before he left for training, either. He's kept it hidden from the public, though, given that even in the twenty-first century certain assumptions about gay and bi men's relationships with children still linger. He doesn't want any of his kids taken away because of society's prejudice. 

All his kids have also come out to him as one thing or another (save for Damian, but Bruce knows better than to make assumptions). “I wanted to know if you’d be okay with me discussing you not being straight in it. So far Dick and Cass have given me their permission, but it’s completely up to you. They've already come out to the public, but you hold a much more visible position in society and the company than they do.”

“I’ll…think about it,” Tim says, lips pursed. He’s gone back and forth between identifying as bi and gay, struggling to solidly pin down his identity when his relationships coming to an end usually have more to do with trauma than incompatibility or the messiness of attraction, and Bruce can understand his reluctance to come out so publicly as one thing when there’s the chance he might realize a different label is more accurate later on.

“There’s no pressure, really,” Bruce repeats. “I won’t do it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“Hm, respecting boundaries,” Tim says with a wry grin. “That’s a first.” His tone isn’t unkind, but it still hurts that any of his kids would ever think for even a second he’d out them without their permission. This, of all boundaries, is one he understands all too well.

“Even a broken clock is right twice a day,” he says instead.

“Indeed,” Tim says. “I’ll look this over and try to get it back to you soon.”

 

* * *

 

“So,” Duke begins one evening when and Bruce are alone in the Cave, “word on the bat-vine is you’re writing a memoir.”

“I am,” Bruce says. “It’s proving to be quite the undertaking.”

“Hah, I’ll bet,” Duke says. “By the time it’s done, do you think it’ll belong more in the fiction or nonfiction section?”

“Fiction, definitely,” Bruce says with a wry grin. “Even the parts from before I became Batman have to be adjusted.”

“You know, Dick told me that you take your coffee differently as Batman than you do as Bruce Wayne,” Duke says.

“Hrn. You’ll be delighted to know I eat my burgers differently as Batman than I do as Bruce Wayne, too,” Bruce replies. _Why_ won’t his family leave him alone about the burger thing? It deserves its own chapter in his memoir just for how much they tease him about it.

"I don't know," Duke says, wincing. "I think I'd prefer you eat burgers with a fork and knife when you're wearing the Batsuit. Unless you're taking your gauntlets off, which I doubt you do, that's just _nasty_. I've seen where they've been, and I can't believe you'd let them touch your food."

"I have wipes," Bruce says, hating how defensive he sounds.

"Yeah, 'cause I'm sure a few antibacterial wipes can adequately deal with fear gas residue or whatever toxic shit is in the harbor's water," Duke says, rolling his eyes. "How have you not died from some undiscovered disease yet?" 

"I have a strong immune system and I keep up-to-date on my vaccinations and flu shots," Bruce says.

"I seem to recall you down and out for the count with the flu just two weeks ago," Duke says dryly. 

"That was Damian's fault," Bruce protests, "he got a strain that the shot didn't protect against. What was I supposed to do, leave him to suffer through it alone? That wouldn't make me a very good father."

"Point," Duke allows. "But still, maybe just wash your hands before you eat next time. I'm sure even the nastiest public bathroom in Gotham will be less nasty than whatever's on your gloves after a night of crime fighting. You could stand to be a little _less_ obsessive about your mask, sometimes, you know?"

“Some even say it’s a flaw of mine,” Bruce says with a sardonic grin. People have made no secret of their opinion regarding his dedication to maintaining his secret identity, but he'd argue that it's important _especially_ now that he's planning on putting his life out on view for public scrutiny (well, more than it already is).

“Personally, I still can’t get over the fact that you have a decoy stairwell that takes anyone who’s not part of the family down to a fake man cave.”

“I’ll have you know it’s not _fake_ ,” Bruce says with a lofty tilt of his chin. “Sometimes I _do_ retreat there to hide from all the chaos your brothers stir up.” He notices Duke…it’s not a flinch, exactly, but there’s a definite _response_ to Bruce calling the boys his brothers. “Duke,” he says, carefully, because this son is still so new, yet still equally precious, “I know you haven’t been with us that long, but I _do_ consider you one of my sons, all the same.” He feels bad for protesting when Dick mentioned that his kids would riot if he gave any one of them more attention than the others, for saying it would be difficult considering how short a time Duke’s been with them. Duke is around the house more often than Damian has been as of late (and ouch, that stings – his youngest is certainly starting to take after Dick in more ways than one), and once he’d started writing his chapter, Bruce had realized he had no shortage of material to work with.

“Thanks, Bruce,” Duke says, looking off to the side. He’s still feeling a little off-kilter about the adoption, finding himself in a family that’s chock full of history whose other members sometimes forget to brief him on. It doesn't help that he's the only black kid, even though his new siblings aren't white either. Bruce knows that sometimes it must feel like a never-ending game of catch-up (which is rather what it'd felt like for him coming back to to the present after being lost in the time stream), but he thinks Duke is doing fine. 

“You know,” Bruce says, “You _are_ in the memoir, too.”

“I am?” Duke blinks. “I…it’s…I’ve only been here for like, a year and a half, I figured - ”

“I have a chapter for each of my kids,” Bruce says. “That includes you.”

“Is there even enough to talk about? Outside of the masks, I mean.”

“You tell me,” Bruce replies. “Are the masks the only thing that have mattered the entire time you’ve been here?”

“No,” Duke says, "but...well, Batman and the Signal keep opposite hours. There's not as much overlap in our schedules as there is with you and the others."

"Most of my kids spend a great deal of time outside of Gotham," Bruce says. "Hell, Dick doesn't even live in this state. I don't see any of you outside of patrols as much as I'd want, but don't think that means I don't care about you beyond your work as Signal. Look," he says, "I’ll give you the chapter I wrote on you. Look at it, read it over. Leave as many comments as you want – Dick thinks I should include them as footnotes in the final draft. _Then_ you can tell me if you still think I don't have enough material, okay?”

“Okay,” Duke says. The light from the Batcomputer's screen reflects in his golden amber eyes for a moment before he glances away.

“Duke,” Bruce says, “I - I don't want to step on your father's toes. Doug, that is; he raised you, and he raised you well. But I learned my lesson with Dick and Tim - I can't act like I don't come to view all of the kids who train under me as _my_ kids, one way or another. Even if you never think of me that way, even if we _do_ miraculously find a cure for your parents and you go back to living with them, you'll always have a spot in this family, okay?"

“Heh,” Duke chuckles, “Birds of a feather _do_ tend to flock together." His eyes are a little shiny when he looks back at Bruce, but neither of them address it.

“There you have it,” Bruce says. “You should try talking to Stephanie or Barbara, you know. Neither of them have lived under this roof or are legally attached to me, but they're part of this family nevertheless. I'd also recommend talking to Tim if you haven't already, since he he went through a somewhat similar situation with his father when he was Robin.”

“I’ll think about it,” Duke says. “Thanks, Bruce.”

 

* * *

 

Bruce isn’t too surprised when Jason shows up to demand the chapter he wrote on him.

“I thought about it,” he says, fiddling with a Rubik’s cube he probably stole from Tim just to piss him off. “I don’t _really_ wanna read it, but this way I get _some_ say in whatever BS you're gonna put out there. Plus, apparently I need to make sure you aren’t mixing me up with any of the others.”

Somehow, handing Jason the draft of his chapter feels more daunting than it did for his other kids. He wrote this chapter from the heart, but none of his from-the-heart statements to Jason have come out the way he intended or have actually reached his son ever since his return from the grave. This gesture is just as likely to further alienate Jason as it is to bring him a step closer to the family again.

Bruce shouldn’t be surprised when the draft comes back covered with red ink. Large sections of it are scribbled out and there are derogatory comments written in the margins doubting the sincerity of his emotions, specifically the parts where he talks about how much Jason means to him. The comment on Bruce’s inability to ever use the word ‘love’ with his family, especially in face-to-face conversations, hurts something fierce.

Still, he makes many of the suggested edits. Jason always did have an eye for this kind of thing, after all, and it makes something twinge in his chest to think about how his second eldest should be in school right now getting the degree he always wanted. Maybe English, but privately, Bruce has always thought Jason would excel as a teacher. What a shame that the only one of his kids who loved school is the only one who will never get a real chance at going as far with it as he'd dreamed. Bruce has tried raising the issue of legally resurrecting Jason with him before, but he loves his legal nonexistence too much to give it up and Bruce is too much of a pushover to force it.

He still can’t bring himself to use the word ‘love,’ but he makes note of the places where he'd like to. 

He’ll edit it in later.

 

* * *

 

This project has ended up being way more emotionally involved than he ever thought it could be. More than once, Bruce has found himself crying over the manuscript, tears dripping down onto the papers. Everything he writes down, every admission he makes, every sentiment he confesses to – it all becomes so much more _real_ when it’s written down.

Maybe this is why he never took up journaling after his parents’ deaths, despite what Alfred and Leslie both recommended. He knows that narrative writing is one way to deal with trauma – that trauma disorders time, and narratives by definition require a comprehensible passage of time in order to have a legible plot.

Writing out the details of his parents’ murder is _literally_ forcing himself to come to terms with the event and process it in a way he’s never had to before. Writing case notes and going over the details in his head a million billion times still hits him differently than writing it out does. Even though the version of Jason’s death he’s putting in the memoir is almost completely fictionalized, he’s still writing out the real events first. That way, he can have a point of comparison and make sure none of the details in the fictionalized version are too incriminating. He knows the details of Jason’s death by heart, can recite the details of his son’s autopsy report perfectly, but writing it down – it’s leaving him wrecked.

He remembers the way he cradled Jason’s cooling body in his lap like some twisted parody of La Pieta, lungs itching from the smoke and debris digging into his legs where he knelt. Bruce remembers the way his trembling hands had caressed Jason’s beaten and swollen face, nearly unrecognizable from the damage the Joker had wrought, the way Jason’s fingers, resting on his stomach, were broken and twisted in different directions. His skin had burns, yes, but the autopsy had revealed that the official cause of death was smoke inhalation. He'd survived the explosion - if Bruce had only been faster, the injuries would have been grievous, yes, but not fatal.

Jason’s death had been much more gruesome than his parents’.

Gunshot wound to the chest, gunshot wound to the neck. Bloody deaths, and not instant at all, but much quicker and less drawn out than Jason’s. He remembers the way his father gasped his and his mother’s names, his mother’s gurgling attempts at breathing, the way they reached their twitching hands out toward him as they took their final breaths and passed. Bruce remembers the way their blood cooled on his hands, deep red and growing tacky by the time Gordon and the other cops arrived. He remembers the kindness of Gordon’s coat over his shoulders, a kindness that stuck with him so much he copied the gesture when he first met Dick.

Considering how deeply he was in shock for both of these events, it’s amazing he remembers as much as he does.

The chapter on his parents’ deaths will include the police sketch of the perp, even though the image has been widely circulated for over twenty years with no positive ID. Hope springs eternal, as the saying goes, and all these years later Bruce still maintains hope that someone will finally step forward and give him closure.

Bruce takes Clark’s advice and finds a grief counselor located outside of Gotham. He makes her sign several NDA forms before he ever says a word, and takes three meetings with her before he actually begins to open up. He still can’t talk to anyone about the true events of Jason’s death, but he can admit now that speaking to Ashley, though painful, has proven to be ultimately beneficial.

She’s helping him tackle his issues with the word “love.” For all these years, he's felt like saying _I love you_ to someone would be their death sentence. He grew up terrified that he’d slip up with Alfred and then be out another father, and with Dick he knows that his inability to actually confess to the boy how much he meant to him played a large role in why his eldest left and then barely spoke to him for years. He’d tried to be clearer with Jason, but in the end, it didn’t do much to keep him from the grave. Saying the words is also an act of terrible vulnerability, and emotional vulnerability isn't something Bruce has been comfortable with since his parents took their last breaths.

It’s a lot to work, though. Bruce isn’t sure he’ll ever be able to say the words freely and without hesitation; he still regrets not even being able to say it when offering to adopt Dick, or any of the kids, really. With Ashley's help, though, it's starting to feel like telling his family he loves them is no longer as daunting as going up against Darkseid with no backup." 

One night, he’s even able to say the words when Alfred’s done stitching him up after patrol. He tries to look away and give the man some privacy as his hands shake and cheeks grow damp, but he vows – he has to try more often, if it drives the unshakeable, stiff-upper-lip Alfred to such a reaction.

If Alfred’s gentle but firm arms linger around his shoulders a little longer than necessary when guiding him to his feet that night, neither of them say anything.

 

* * *

 

Unlike the rest of his children, Cass doesn’t come to him first; she waits for him to come to her. Bruce appreciates that; she always knows when he needs to be pushed and when it's better to leave him be.

“I have your chapter,” he says, feeling almost shy as he hands it over. Cass has always understood him perfectly, but his thoughts expressed as written word will surely fall short of what he means to convey. He’s worried it will create misunderstandings. "There's a lot we had to edit for the sake of maintaining identities, but I hope you'll find what I've written satisfactory."

“Hm,” she intones, glancing over the first page. She, like Dick, has picked up the habit of making that sound from him, and the reminder of it gives him a sudden rush of fondness for his only daughter. “Will you read it to me?” she asks, looking up.

Though Cass’s speech is basically on par with the rest of the family’s by now, her reading abilities are slightly less developed (dyslexia can be a real bitch, but they're working on it). That being said, Bruce knows she’s not asking him because she thinks she won’t understand – she wants to see how his words match up to the truth and his intent. Bruce finds himself eager to hear her insight. 

“Of course,” he says with a fond smile, the special one he saves just for her. She sits, while he stays standing. He clears his throat and. after a hesitant glance meets her attentive gaze, begins.

“My daughter Cassandra is exceptional in a number of ways…”

 

* * *

 

“Father,” Damian says as they drive home from patrol. Bruce grunts. “Grayson has informed me that you are actually serious about writing a…a _memoir_ for your civilian persona. The others have made comments, too.”

“Hm,” Bruce intones. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” Damian asks.

“Well,” Bruce begins, then pauses. He’s been trying to figure out how to approach this topic in a way that’s least likely to get Damian riled up, and even now he’s wondering if he should put off the conversation and have Dick try it with him instead. But no, that’s cowardice, and probably bad parenting. “Since this is for my…civilian persona, as you said,” he says, amused at how Damian’s nose scrunches up and his lip curls at the mention of Brucie, “certain…details will have to be altered. Covered up, even.”

“And? What are you saying?” Damian asks.

“Almost everything about your life up to and probably including when you first met me is going to have to be sanitized,” Bruce says. “We can’t let the general public have any reason to think the Waynes are attached to the League of Assassins.”

“You’re going to lie about my mother?” Damian bristles at that, just like Bruce was afraid he would.

“Not…fully,” Bruce says. “I’ve already drafted the chapter about you, and I want your input on how to best shape this story. We can talk about it more at home when I have the chapter in front of me, but I thought it best to try and stay as truthful about your mother as possible without telling the full story. Just Talia, not Talia al Ghul, if that is acceptable to you.”

“Hrn,” Damian intones (Bruce wishes that he got that habit from him, but he knows – Dick picked it up from him, and Damian picked it up from Dick while Dick was his Batman. It’s cute, but a bittersweet reminder of the time he missed with his youngest). “I will have to read the chapter to accurately judge just how acceptable this…libel about my mother is, I suppose, but it doesn’t sound _too_ awful.”

“I hope not,” Bruce says.

“You must not make her out to be one of those simpering fools you normally drag along to all your events, though, understand?” Damian demands, like _he’s_ the one in charge between the two of them. “My mother is a woman of honor, class, and _intellect_. She is powerful, and I will not have you pretend she is anywhere _remotely_ similar to the women you use as your cover.”

“I understand, though you should be kinder to those women; they have more depth than you'd think” Bruce says, feeling oddly chastised despite his amusement. He’s gotten so caught up in his anger at Talia for having the audacity to keep not one but _two_ of his sons from him that sometimes he forgets that Damian is half _hers_ too. Morals about killing aside, he really had loved Talia enough once that he’d thought she was the one, that they really would get married and spend the rest of their lives together.

He can’t afford to allow himself to be distracted by _what-ifs_. Harvey, Tommy, the fighting with Dick, how he handled everything with Jason, Clark, Talia, Selina – he could go on forever, list more than just one grave mistake per child and per friend, but he can’t get carried away and become consumed by regrets.

“I’d have to ask the editor,” Bruce says, a thought occurring to him suddenly, “but how would you feel about having some of your art in the book? The study of the Manor you did last spring was excellent. We should showcase your talent.”

Bruce hopes he isn’t imagining the subtle pleased glow emanating from Damian.

“Ask your editor,” Damian says. “I have a few pieces in mind.”

 

* * *

 

Speaking with Damian reminds him that his youngest is not his only artistically minded child.

“Tim,” Bruce says, knocking on his son’s open bedroom door. Tim looks up from his work and pauses his music, removing his headphones. Bruce goes to sit on the side of his bed. “I was talking to Damian about the memoir, and I had an idea. I wanted to ask – do you have photos of the family?”

Tim raises an eyebrow.

“Do I have photos of the family,” he repeats flatly.

“Or – any photos at all, really, just – not the incriminating ones. Obviously.”

“Obviously.”

“Is there an echo in here?” Bruce raises an eyebrow back at Tim.

“I’d – I’d have to go through my boxes,” Tim sighs. “It’s been a while since I’ve done any photography, Bruce.”

“You were so good at it, though,” Bruce says.

“Yeah, well,” Tim shifts uncomfortably. “I…didn’t see much point in it after…people started dying.”

Bruce is quiet, feeling just as uncomfortable as Tim. His son has gotten better, recently, but he’s still noticeably more quiet and subdued, a little darker in mood than he had been back when Robin had still worn green tights and had counted gelled hair as part of his uniform. Even now, there are times Bruce worries about Tim and how well he’s really doing.

“Well,” Bruce says, awkwardly breaking the silence. “You had an eye for it. I still have to ask my editor, but…I wanted to show off your and Damian’s art.”

“Is this the billionaire’s version of hanging your kid’s drawings on the fridge?” Tim asks with a wry smirk. Bruce chuckles.

“Probably,” he says. “I’ve been told I’m an over-achiever.”

“Now isn’t _that_ the truth. I guess I’ll go look through my stuff, though, if you’re really considering it.”

“I am,” Bruce says. “And I mean it, about you having talent. Maybe we could take some of the…more incriminating photos and have them blown up to hang in the Cave. I wouldn’t want them to waste away in a box forever, unappreciated by anyone.”

“ _Bruce_ ,” Tim hides his face. “I was so _young_ when I took those pictures! I’m sure the composition for them is awful, and half of them are probably blurry, you’re just remembering them wrong – “

“Nonsense. I have a perfect memory.”

“Dick and Jason have _literally_ been fighting for months over you mixing up stories with them in your drafts.”

“Hrn. That’s different.”

Tim runs a hand through his hair and lets out a deep sigh.

“Okay, Bruce,” he says. “You win. I’ll pull out my boxes tonight and see if there’s anything in there worth considering.”

“Hm. That’s what I thought.” He leans forward and drops a gentle kiss on Tim's forehead, then stands and leaves.

 

* * *

 

“BRUCE,” Stephanie shouts as she descends the stairs down to the Cave. He refuses to reward her excessive volume with acknowledgement. As with the others, it doesn’t work. “BRUCE, YOU ASSHOLE.”

He sighs. “What have I done this time?” She comes to a stop next to him, hands on her hips.

“Tim _and_ Cass told me you’re writing a memoir!” She says.

He still doesn’t understand her apparent outrage. “And?”

“ _And_ I read their chapters, you know!” Ah, that explains her furious purple pen scribble in the margins of those chapters. “You barely mention me, you jerk! That’s what!”

"Well, their chapters are supposed to be about my relationships with _them_ , not their girlfriend," Bruce says.

"Oh _really?_ " Steph says, looking tremendously unimpressed. "The way I see it, I'm pretty important to both of them and influential in their relationships with you, but that hardly registers as a footnote in what you've written. Plus, we all know if my mom hadn’t gotten her act together, I’d have been adoptee numero…four. Or five. You know, depending.”

“That would make your relationships with Tim and Cass incestuous,” Bruce says.

“UGH, BRUCE,” she laments, making a disgusted face. “Ew, why would you say that? Gross! _Obviously_ I wouldn’t date either of them if you adopted me, I have morals. _I’m just saying_ that I’m basically one of your kids, but you certainly don’t act like it!”

Bruce feels a pang of guilt. He knows he’s done wrong by Stephanie several times over. He knows she deserves more from him, more than she’d probably accept at this point. He should stop giving her such a hard time. He sighs. 

"I don't want to be indelicate," he says. "Barbara may have fixed the issue with your identity being exposed on paper, but even she can't hack people's memories. Publishing this memoir is a pretty big risk given the many close calls this family has already had with our identities." He then counts off on his fingers - "Tim used Dick's signature flip to identify him and me, Blockbuster was able to get Dick's identity from a journalist and used it to stage a _very_ public attack on him that required a coverup from one of the only clean cops in the BPD to keep everything under wraps, Jason faking his death to be Robin is a popular conspiracy theory, the GCPD know Cassie's dad is the man who tried to kill Gordan, Tim had to stage being shot in the spine and fake a slow recovery for months afterward to throw Vicki Vale off his scent, and that's not even getting into the whole situation surrounding Damian's death." He sighs. "There's so much, and I just don't want anyone particularly clever with a good memory to be able to put together the pieces. Featuring you too much might lead to that."

"Oh."

Steph's face is grim at the mention of the events surrounding her torture and near-death at the hands of Black Mask. "I get that," she says, "I really do, but I think Kon is mentioned more in Tim's chapter than I am even though he's arguably also a pretty significant risk. I'm not saying you have to dedicate a whole chapter to me, too, but it would be nice to feel like my presence actually matters in your life, I guess."

"...I'm sorry," he says. Apologies don't come easily for him, but Steph is long overdue one for all she's put up with form him. "Look, how about this - I only included Kon because I never mention him by name. If I write you in more but don't use your name, would that work?"

She blinks at him, apparently surprised that he's offering a compromise. He deserves that.

“Sure," she says, then, "Oh, if you’re actually going to listen to my suggestions, I have another one.”

“Yes?”

“I think you should let me ghostwrite the rest of the book! _Someone_ has to make sure your Batman grouchiness doesn’t shine through.”

Bruce pauses and contemplates that for a second. Her grin is too innocent as he lets himself really _think_ about what that would look like.

“Absolutely not,” he says almost immediately.

“What!” she pouts.

“It’s my memoir,” he says. “I don’t want it to be in anyone else’s words.”

“That’s fair, I guess,” she says. “Just know you’re really missing out. If you let me get my hands on that, you’d have a _masterpiece_.”

“I’m sure I would,” he says with a dry smirk.

 

* * *

 

“Well,” his editor, Nadia Greengrove, says to him after he submits his first full draft. “Whoever you’ve got ghost-writing for you better be getting paid well.”

“Of course,” he says smoothly, with a bland smile. The memoir is turning out to be more of a collaborative piece than he expected, but a not insignificant chunk of it is genuinely his own work. Admitting that, though, even to his editor, is more than he's willing to do.

(It doesn’t mean anything. Despite Clark’s comment from a few months ago, there will never be a Batman memoir written, officially published or not.)

“This is genuinely good,” Greengrove says. “Still rough, but it has real potential. I like the idea of leaving your kids’ comments in the footnotes, it adds authenticity to it.”

“That was Dick’s idea,” Bruce says. “The rest of them were perhaps a little overeager to contribute after he started doing it.”

“Maybe a bit,” Greengrove says with a small grin. “That being said, Mr. Wayne, we need to discuss length. I’ve left many comments in your draft about other things, but the biggest issue we need to discuss is that this really needs to be trimmed down.”

“How so?” Bruce asks, not liking the sound of that.

“Well, you're a very important man who's had many interesting experiences in your life, but...” Greengrove looks uncomfortable. “Honestly, the first few chapters? The ones prior to your return to Gotham? They’re longer than they need to be. I’m not sure you need to dedicate almost fifteen whole pages to the act of your parents’ death alone. If this was a true crime book I’d say go for it, but it’s a memoir. Memoirs just aren’t the right genre for that amount of detail for that particular topic.”

“I…see,” Bruce manages.

“I’m not saying the event wasn’t significant to you, or that your reflections on it don’t need to be heard,” Greengrove rushes to say, clearly sensing his displeasure, “but from a technical standpoint, it's like you're going into too much detail to avoid having your meaning or intent misconstrued. You're over-explaining things that most readers will take a face value, and it's weighing down your writing. ”

“Hm. Are there any spots in particular where you see that issue we could discuss now?”

“Well, I noticed that you gave each of your children the exact same amount of space even though you haven't known all of them all for the same amount of time.”

“I’m afraid that’ll be non-negotiable,” Bruce says. “My kids have made it clear they'll have my neck if one of them gets even a paragraph more than the others. Sibling rivalries, you see. I'm told it's completely normal, but it's not like I have much of a point of comparison. You understand why I wouldn't want to give one child less focus than the others, I’m sure?”

Greengrove is silent for a moment, then she nods. “I do, Mr. Wayne,” she says, “but nevertheless, I do recommend you go through those chapters again to edit out unnecessary detail. It might open up space for better ones, after all."

“Is there a page count I should keep in mind as a goal while I'm working on this?” he asks.

“I don't want you to go _too_ Hemmingway on this," she says. "It's not a matter of meeting an ideal page count; it's about cleaning up your writing so it's more engaging to read. We'll have to go through at least another round of editing before I could give you a good idea of what length would look good, but for now try cutting off just five pages. We can go from there.”

“Got it,” he says, nodding. “Now, the family and I were discussing the possibility of adding pictures. Damian is a wonderful artist, you see, and Tim has a marvelous eye for photography. I thought it would be nice to add a few examples of their work.”

“Hm,” Greengrove says, tapping her chin. “Send me a selection of the pictures you’re thinking of with some brief captions. I’ll consider it.”

“I’ll get on that,” Bruce says.

He’s already got a stack in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes about comic references:  
> -in the first chapter, i mentioned a notebook locked away in a safety deposit box. that's from batman (2011) #52 (the last issue before rebirth)  
> -in this chapter, the decoy stairwell with the fake man cave is a real thing from all star batman lmfao. jim gordon: "What the hell do you think, Edmonds? He has some mechanism that takes you down the wrong stairwell if you're not the Batman? Something his own butler doesn't know about? Let's go."
> 
> thank you everyone for the kind words so far!! glad to see you all enjoyed my silly idea :')
> 
> EDIT 2/18/20: in addition to the important stuff mentioned in the top notes, i also changed it so that dick and cass are already out about their sexualities in the public; upon reflection i just didn't think that either one of them would try to hide it. look in my head cass is a gnc lesbian who straight up shaves her head more than once, ok? also some changes to the scene w bruce's editor bc i didn't like having a whole discussion about hard page count when memoirs irl are all different lengths. im calling myself out with the critiques she gives bruce, tbh, even though this fic is REMARKABLY brief compared to everything i've written since i posted this.
> 
> again, if you wanna find me elsewhere, you can find my twitter and tumblr links on my profile


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! turns out im still making up for my sleep debt from finals last week, plus i'm still not done grading and final grades are due tomorrow (once those are done i am NEVER teaching again lmao, gonna get that masters and then BAIL from academia, shit sucks bro) 
> 
> and then i realized i only had dick and jason's reactions to the book out of all the kids? so that was like four more mini scenes i had to write -__-
> 
> my dick grayson bias shows in this chapter but then again i think it shows in everything i write
> 
> EDIT 2/18/20: i added an alfred scene!!!!! i can't believe i forgot to write an alfred scene in the first place omg.

“So!” Dick says, patting Bruce on the shoulder. “Today's the big day! Are you excited about the release?”

“Hm,” Bruce intones. A bit, though he doesn’t want to admit it. This project is the product of over a year of labor. So sue him if he’s a little anxious about how it’ll be received.

“Hey, don’t worry,” Dick says, smiling. “The early reviews were good, so I’m sure people will love it. I mean, I loved the parts of it you let me read, so that has to count for something, right? I can’t wait to read the rest of it now that it’s finally out!” He pauses. “You _will_ let me read the whole thing, right?”

“Hm,” Bruce smirks. “We’ll see.”

“I'm an adult now, you can’t stop me!” Dick says. “But hey, will you at least sign my copy?” He holds out a hardcover version and a pen, both of which Bruce takes.

After a moment’s hesitation, Bruce pens out a brief message.

_Dick –_

_I’m honored to call you my son. Without you, I wouldn’t have the family we do now. My life has changed for the better thanks to you. Let this book serve as a reminder of how much I appreciate you for that._

_Love,  
Bruce_

His sessions with grief counselor have done him wonders. He’s still a long way from feeling comfortable using the word “love” lightly, but at least it no longer feels like he’s sentencing everyone to whom he says the word to death.

He shuts the book and hands it back to Dick, who immediately tears up when he sees what Bruce has written. Wordlessly, he launches himself at his father and traps him in a hug that could give Clark a run for his money.

“Thank _you_ , Bruce,” he says, voice thick. “I love you too.”

“I know, chum,” Bruce says back, bringing his arms up to return the hug. “I know.”

 

* * *

 

Bruce has really tried to keep his memoir off the League's radar as much as possible, yet…

“…Lastly, this is your final reminder that the refrigerators in public spaces are for food _only_ , and that you need to label what’s yours or else it’s fair game. Any final remarks?” Batman looks up from his itinerary to find several raised hands.

He narrows his eyes.

“Any final remarks that _aren’t_ about the book?” The hands all go down.

“...What book?” Shazam asks.

"Batman wrote a memoir," Martian Manhunter says. "I found it to be a captivating read."

“Cool! Can I – “

“No.”

Shazam pouts. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!” he protests.

“It’s autobiographical,” Batman intones. “It has my real name on it.”

“Oh,” Shazam says, looking putout. “I guess that makes sense.” Green Arrow snorts.

“It’s basically all about his tragic origin story and his kids,” he says. “It’s totally obvious it’s him if you know.”

“Except for how emotional it was,” Hal rolls his eyes. “Did you get Superman to ghost write it for you? Or Nightwing?”

“He wrote it himself,” Superman says with a fond grin. “That’s all him.”

“I thought it was very touching,” Wonder Woman says.

“ _Enough_ ,” Batman says. “This isn’t relevant. Are there any final comments, or can we conclude the meeting?”

“Fine, fine,” Green Arrow says, waving a hand at Batman. “No final remarks. Meeting over.”

“…Okay, now that the meeting’s over, can we ask you questions? Maybe get you to sign our copies?” Flash asks.

“ _No_.”

 

* * *

 

Jason [12:37PM]:  
HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD

Jason [12:37PM]:  
LMFAO

Jason [12:37PM]:  
IM CHANGING YOUR NAME IN  
MY PHONE TO BEE GEE WAYNE

Jason [12:38PM]:  
this is the greatest  
day of my life lmaoooo

Bruce [12:38PM]:  
I’m glad you draw such  
amusement from my suffering.

 

* * *

 

Dick [2:13PM]:  
huh.

Dick [2:13PM]:  
so THAT’S when damian was  
conceived, huh?

Bruce [2:14PM]:  
Dick.

Bruce [2:14PM]:  
PLEASE do not ask me  
about my sex life.

Dick [2:15PM]:  
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE  
GOING ON A BUSINESS TRIP

 

* * *

 

Oliver Queen [2:36PM]:  
I can’t believe I let you publish that  
thing about our one-night stand.

Oliver Queen [2:37PM]:  
WHAT was I thinking???

Oliver Queen [2:37PM]:  
Was being able to say “I fucked  
Batman” really worth it???

Oliver Queen [2:38PM]:  
Thanks for not making me seem  
like a TOTAL ass, though.

Bruce [2:39PM]:  
Technically, I wasn’t Batman yet.

Bruce [2:39PM]:  
Technically, Clark is the only League  
member who can say he fucked Batman.

Oliver Queen [2:39PM]:  
Oh my GOD, don’t remind me.

 

* * *

 

 **The New York Times ✓** @nytimes · 4h  
“A Shot in the Dark” remains on our bestseller list for the fourth week in a row! Read our review of @brucewayne’s tell-all memoir here: nyti.ms/3Fs9k2E

[Image attached: The cover for _A Shot in the Dark_. It is a section of the Wayne family portrait featuring Bruce, but cropped so only the neck down shows.]

 

* * *

 

** Table of Contents **

_I.        Forward - Alfred Pennyworth...i_  
II.       Before.....................................1  
III.      A Moment Frozen in Time.......7  
IV.     After........................................11  
V.      Moving On...............................17  
VI.     A Journey of Self-Discovery......28  
VII.    Pride........................................35  
VIII.   The Prodigal Son......................43  
IX.     A Night at the Circus................68  
X.      Harvey.....................................93  
XI.     Jason.......................................103  
XII.    After, the Reprise.....................128  
XIII.   Third Time is a Pattern.............138  
XIV.   No Man's Land.........................163  
XV.    Murderer?................................183  
XV.    Addiction.................................193  
XVI.   My Little Princess.....................203  
XVII.  You Are the Father...................228  
XVIII. The Newest Bundle of Joy.........253  
XIX.   _Reflections_............................... _278_  
 _XX._    _Pictures_.................................... _293_  
 _XXI._    _Acknowledgements..................308_

 

* * *

 

** _I._ _Forward_ **   
Alfred Pennyworth

There was a call. One phone call. That’s all it took. One phone call, and our lives were changed.

I had plans, plans that I felt were important at the time. I did not plan to stay in the Waynes’ employ forever. However, my intentions were of no consequence…

There are events one cannot plan for.

The deaths of Martha and Thomas Wayne were life-changing in more ways the one. I, certainly, found myself with an employment contract that was much more long term than I had planned, but it came at a great loss to the city, and, most importantly, to an innocent eight year old boy.

Many people only know Bruce as he is now – a somewhat goofy eccentric billionaire with a taste for extreme sports and a soft spot for orphaned children. A man with no shame, who finds his ridiculous exploits detailed in tabloids every other week, yet one who still possesses a cunning sense for business that has allowed him to grow his family’s already-sizeable company to the point that he is now a world player.

I remember him as he was before that fateful call came. He was happy, always eager to please, and curious to the point of frustration. He wanted to know everything, which made it all the more difficult when I couldn’t provide a reasonable explanation for why his parents had been murdered in front of him and why their killer was never found.

I remember him as he was after that one fateful call came. He was miserable, alternating often between terrifying despondence and blistering hot fits of rage. He barely spoke for almost a year after his parents’ death. They were dark days, and I spent many long nights unable to sleep, worried I would never see him smile or laugh again.

- _A Shot in the Dark_ , page i

 

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 **Clark Kent** **✓** @ckent · 2d  
“A Shot in the Dark” offers an intimate, unexpected view into the life of one of the world’s most wealthy and notorious businessmen. @brucewayne stuns with this deeply personal illumination of his self. https://www.goodreads…

 

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A Shot in the Dark  
by Bruce Wayne (Goodreads Author)  
★★★★☆ 4.12 · Rating details · 132,091 ratings · 13,521 reviews

**An intimate, yet bold and unapologetic memoir from one of the wealthiest and most influential men in the world.**

In a life marked by both terrible loss and awe-inspiring success, Bruce Wayne has become a household name thanks to both his incredible business acumen and absurd tabloid exploits alike. He is marked by his contradictions: one of the richest men in the world yet outspokenly leftist, college dropout yet successful CEO, party boy yet devoted father – the list goes on. Again and again he has used his wealth and influence as a force for the greater good, both in Gotham City and worldwide. Here, for the first time, he gives us an inside look at the thoughts of the man behind several acts of gun control legislation, radical employee-centered business practices, unconventional parenthood, and financial support for Batman Inc. and the Justice League.

In his memoir, Bruce Wayne takes readers on a journey through his life. He describes cherished memories of his childhood before his parents’ senseless murder, the painful and soul-crushing recovery after, never before shared details of his mysterious globe trotting trip after dropping out of college, the trials and tribulations of balancing being a CEO and father, the loss of a child, and the general insanity of a life lived in one of America’s most notorious cities. Deeply honest, occasionally irreverent, and often shocking, a man who almost never does personal interviews finally lets the world see him in his own words. _A Shot in the Dark_ is the story of a man grappling with love, life, and loss and his determination to do everything he can to make the world a better place.

\--  
GET A COPY

Kindle Store $14.99   Amazon   Stores ▼   Libraries

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Hardcover, 312 pages  
Published June 18, 2018 by Penguin Random House

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** COMMUNITY REVIEWS **

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\--

 **Oliver Queen** rated it ★★★★☆ – Jul 7, 2018

Fuck you, now they’re gonna start hounding ME to write one of these things.

(Whatever Dick tells you Roy said, I did NOT cry.)

1,372 likes · 23 comments

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 **Dick Grayson** rated it ★★★★★ – Jun 25, 2018

BRUCE!!! I’m so proud of you I could cry. I HAVE cried. I’ve basically been crying nonstop since I opened the book. I can’t believe you made me wait until it was published to read any of the stuff about before you took me in! It was worth the wait, though, because this is, in a word, amazing. I can see the thought and love you put into this, and your special wit and humor shines through on almost every page …more

2,346 likes · 52 comments

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 **Peter** rated it ★☆☆☆☆ – Jul 15, 2018

Fake, contrived, overly sentimental bullshit. This man can talk about “radical employee-centered business practices” all he wants, but at the end of the day he’s still one of the top ten wealthiest people in the world. He’s not doing enough until he’s not a billionaire anymore, AT THE VERY LEAST. At least he acknowledges that being born into his wealth is the only reason he’s so successful, though. He makes it clear that that he was a billionaire before he took control of WE, but that just means his ancestors weren't as into "radical employee-centered business practices" as he supposedly is. The Waynes have been here since colonial times; he should be paying reparations.

Everyone is talking about how “honest” this memoir is, yet there’s still so many places where Wayne is frustratingly vague and stingy with details (yes, I’m talking about Jason Todd’s death). I do, however, 100% believe that part about the one night stand with Oliver Queen …more

732 likes · 237 comments

\--

 **Terri** rated it ★★★★★ – Jul 27, 2018

I know there’s a lot of controversy over Bruce Wayne. How genuine is he? How pure are his intentions, really? How close is he to becoming the second coming of Two Face? Etc., etc., etc. I don’t give a single flying fuck about that, because to me, Bruce Wayne will always be the one who gave a damn when no one else did, the one who saved my life.

Bruce Wayne talked me down from jumping off a roof. He paid for my therapy sessions after. He paid for the medication the doctors prescribed me. He gave me a job. He helped me turn my life around, and gave me a reason to _live_.

Needless to say, this book had me in tears. …more

3,923 likes · 584 comments

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 **JT** rated it ★★★★☆ – Jul 15, 2018

Okay, old man, you got me to cry. The part about your trip around the world wasn’t half bad, either. Have you ever thought about actually saying some of this stuff to your kids face-to-face?

32 likes · 1 comment

 

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Damian surprises him with a beautiful pastel portrait of the family. This one has Jason, Duke, and all the animals in it, unlike the portrait they took the cover of the memoir from. He frames it and hangs it in his bedroom.

 

* * *

 

 **adrichouuu** reblogged **tumblingwalls**

**barely-human:**

lots of interesting stuff to discuss re: bruce wayne’s memoir that came out last month. for those of you who are curious:

  * not much new information regarding the wayne murders and jason todd’s death, but some (frankly) heartbreaking personal remarks/introspection from wayne regarding both. if you’re dealing with loss of a parent or loss of a child, this book will fuck you up, but you’ll probably feel better at the end?
  * remember that time wayne was framed for killing his girlfriend?? yeah neither does he bc it only gets like ten pages. @ bruce wayne WHERE ARE THE DETAILS ABOUT YOUR SEXY LIFE AS A FUGITIVE?? the people want to know!!!
  * NONE. OF THE WAYNES. ARE STRAIGHT.
  * (ok the littlest one didn’t come out but there wasn’t any confirmation he was straight either and he's only like 13)
  * we already knew richard grayson is bi and cassandra cain-wayne is a lesbian, but basically: bruce wayne is bi, jason todd was gay, cass has a girlfriend!!!, tim drake-wayne is [ambiguous hand wave] and dating a guy (WHOMST?? i have been trying to hunt the mysterious boyfriend and girlfriend down for days and I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO THEY ARE), and duke thomas is bi!!
  * wayne was really careful w the details but uhhh cass had a REALLY fucked up childhood so if you're triggered by abuse, maybe...skip her chapter. damian's too, since his maternal grandfather seems like a real piece of shit
  * wayne had a fling with OLIVER QUEEN when they were in boarding school together lmfao
  * i'm starting a petition to get wayne to adopt me bc he clearly loves those kids to the end of the freaking earth, unlike my parents who still deadname me L M A O can i please get a trans-friendly daddy warbucks
  * GUYS. the harvey dent stuff was so upsetting ;__; really fascinating discussion of what happens to the people left behind when someone becomes a villain
  * wayne is four years sober from alcoholism! i’m so proud of him!
  * i’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts on how this affects/fits with the “bruce wayne is batman” theory



.

**barnacles-babey:**

on one hand: holy origin story, batman! i mean, jesus – we all know the story of the wayne murders, but given that wayne has more or less made a fool of himself every time he’s in public for as long as I can remember, the fact that it seems to be more of a result of (frankly horrific) trauma that he never went to therapy for than him actually just? being an idiot? suddenly him being batman doesn’t seem THAT far off when you consider his potential motivations. it raises some questions about the connections between todd’s death and the disappearance of the second robin, too.

on the other hand: i have SEEN batman in action. i’ve seen how totally fucking gnarly that dude is, and how gruff and mean he acts, and even seeing certain timeline things match up between batman and bruce wayne, it’s still _really_ hard for me to reconcile the asshole that is batman with Gotham’s Actual Sweetheart bruce wayne. plus, it seems like a really weird choice for someone as paranoid as batman allegedly is to write a tell-all memoir. like even if we assume wayne is batman and all incriminating bat stuff has been scrubbed, the whole memoir is still _really_ personal. it just doesn’t seem like the kind of thing batman would publish, you know?

tl;dr: i’m…divided.

Source: barely-human

#txt #waynes #books #on one hand i want to read this #on the other hand #as someone who lost her dad #i don’t want to cry

 

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 **PinkNews** **✓** @PinkNews · 5d  
Holy coming out, Batman! Gotham’s favorite son AND his kids come out in Bruce Wayne’s memoir “A Shot in the Dark.” Dad of the year! [pride flag emoji] https://www.pinknews.co…

 

* * *

 

Duke took Bruce's advice to talk to Tim, it seems. The boys have become much closer lately, bonding over bad Naruto jokes and being middle children (seriously, if he comes home to a completely over-the-top performance of the "Valley of the End fight," whatever that is, one more time he's gonna flip). They sabotage him with a hug sandwich shortly after they finish reading the memoir, squeezing him tight enough to make a fond chuckle bubble up out of his chest.

There's no words, just Bruce wrapping his arms around them in turn (in the words of Dick, he might as well "put his big beefy arms to use for something other than punching bad guys") and pressing a careful kiss to the top of each of their heads. If he comes away from the hug with suspicious damp spots on his shirt, no one says anything.

 

* * *

 

[Transcript from _My Favorite Murder_ podcast, hosted by Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff]

Georgia: Ooh, ooh, before we get into our cases this time, can I ask you real quick – have you read _A Shot in the Dark_ yet?

Karen: The Bruce Wayne memoir? Uhhh, _absolutely_. How ‘bout you?

Georgia: Oh. My. God. I wasn’t expecting it to hit as hard as it did!

Karen: I know, right? I picked it up because I thought it might have more stuff on the Wayne murders or Jason Todd’s death, but the frank discussion of mental health and alcoholism really surprised me. [Laughter] I mean, coming from _Bruce Wayne,_ of all people?

Georgia: It made me feel bad for all the times I’ve laughed at him over the stuff he’s done to get in the tabloids! I mean, how many _stupid_ things have I done while high? And I don’t even have the excuse of the kind of trauma he’s dealt with. I mean…

Karen: Hey now, there’s no point comparing trauma. But I mean, if we were…God!

Georgia: His parents, Grayson’s parents, Harvey fuckin’ Dent, his kid –

Karen: HARVEY FUCKIN’ DENT! Oh, fuck, wait, is he going to come after us for talking about him?

Georgia: Eh, we’re in California, and we refuse to go to Gotham on any of our tour stops anyway. We’re probably safe?

Karen: Ha! Sorry, Gotham peeps, but you understand, right? Anyway, I hope so. But – Harvey Dent, jee-ZUS. I mean, shit – who really pays attention to the news coming out of Gotham 98% of the time? We all know about the Joker, of course, but after reading the book I looked into Gotham some more, and _man!_ I had no idea half these villains existed, let alone the Harvey Dent/Two Face connection.

Georgia: I mean, I _have_ definitely gone down a deep dark hole of Wikipedia entries on Gotham villains once or twice, so I knew, but I didn't really _know_ about his connection to Wayne, if you get what I mean?

Karen: Yeah, I mean, god - poor Wayne!

Georgia: You lose your parents, your best friend as a kid becomes a face-stealing villain, then your best friend as an adult becomes one of the most batshit - _whoops_ , haha, pun not intended - craziest villains in _Gotham_ , I mean? It's a miracle Wayne hasn't become a villain himself!

Karen: That's not to say that everyone with mental illness or severe trauma goes on to be a mass murder, though, because -

Georgia: Oh, shit, yeah, that's definitely not the case. Whoops, I need to watch my language, I know listeners want me to be more sensitive about that kind of stuff.

Karen: Absolutely, but yeah - I'd really like to know what's going on in Arkham Asylum that they make _more_ villains instead of _less_. I mean, the whole Harley Quinn situation - _that_ is fucked up. At least she's not actually with the Joker anymore, though. Really, though - _why does anyone live in Gotham?_

Georgia: [snort] Why does anyone live in L.A.? We have astronomical rent costs, unbearable traffic, and so many pretty people it causes a complex; they have villains, so much pollution the sky is red, and one of the most corrupt police departments in the country - it all balances out.

Karen: If I wasn’t already going to therapy, I’d have booked myself an appointment the second I finished reading this memoir. Hey, Mr. Wayne, if you're listening, the book was really good, way better than I was expecting, but I think everybody in Gotham should have mandatory counseling just to deal with the PTSD y'all no doubt have just from living there. Just a thought!

 

* * *

 

Cass gets him with a flying tackle hug, knocking him to the floor on his way down to breakfast one morning. She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, then runs off to join the rest of her siblings that spent the night in the kitchen, leaving him to get up himself. His bones creak and he groans from the stiffness of his muscles, but he's smiling when he takes his seat at the table.

 

* * *

 

Stephanie [3:12PM]:  
I still think I deserved my own  
chapter, for the record.

Stephanie [3:12PM]:  
...But other than that it was  
pretty good.

Bruce [3:13PM]:  
Thank you, Stephanie.

Stephanie [3:13PM]:  
DON'T get used to the praise.

Stephanie [3:13PM]:  
It won't happen again!

Bruce [3:13PM]:  
Of course.

Bruce [3:14PM]:  
[purple heart emoji]

Stephanie [3:14PM]:  
SLDKFDKJFLDKJF

Stephanie [3:14PM]:  
WHAT!!!! YOU KNOW HOW  
TO USE EMOJIS???

Stephanie [4:09PM]:  
...COME ON.

 

* * *

 

Alfred corners him (metaphorically speaking) when tending to Bruce's wounds after a particularly nasty patrol one evening.

"Bruce," he says, and that's how he knows it's serious, because Alfred is rarely willing to drop the titles. "The years I spent raising you were some of the hardest years of my life. I won't lie to you and say you weren't a difficult child, or that you didn't break my heart when you left for training in the middle of the night without saying goodbye or ever calling home, but...looking at you now, I don't regret staying here to raise you one bit."

"Al..." Bruce begins, but Alfred cuts him off with a stern look.

"I'm not done yet," he says. "You know where I stand on the issue of Batman and how much I hate the danger you throw yourself into near every night. You know I don't approve of your...paranoid and obsessive tendencies. However, being Batman is what brought Dick into this home and opened the gates for all the rest of your wonderful children to come along after him. Raising the young masters saved your life, and that alone makes every sleepless night I spent wondering if you were dead or alive while you were off gallivanting across the globe worth it."

He pauses in applying burn cream to Bruce's shoulder, moving so he can look his son in the eye.

"Listen to me, Bruce Thomas," Alfred says like the man in front of him is a misbehaving six year old again. "I am proud of you. I am _immeasurably_ proud of you, understand? You aren't the perfect father, but no father is perfect. You have grown and learnt so much since you first brought Dick home from that wretched detention center, and it fills my heart with a joy you can't even begin to understand until you become a grandfather yourself. Despite all the pain and heartache and worry you've caused me, I am so, _so_ glad you are my son."

" _Al_ ," Bruce chokes out. Silent tears drip down his cheeks, and he quickly wipes them away. Neither of them address it. "Thank you," he says, though those two words do not even scratch the surface of how deeply Alfred's words have touched him. "And...I'm glad you're my father."

Alfred reaches out and does what he regrets not doing every single day when Bruce was a child - he pulls him in for a hug. Still seated on the medical table, Bruce ignores the pain of his injuries and wraps his arms around Alfred in return, leaning his head against the man's chest. They sit there in silence for a few long minutes just drawing comfort from each other, and Bruce thinks he feels more whole now than he has in years.

 

* * *

 

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
I know Gotham is ~crazy~ and the news coming out of here is impossible to keep up with, but – look. In honor of Bruce Wayne’s memoir being released, I wanted to talk about the efforts he’s made for gun safety in one of America’s most dangerous cities.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Like any other city hosting a superhero, Gotham City, NJ has a bloated crime rate. Unlike many other “superhero cities,” though, Gotham’s crime rate was awful long before Batman showed up on the scene.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Despite the fact that Gotham has the likes of the Joker, Penguin, Killer Croc, and more running around, gun violence still tops villainy when it comes to the crime statistics.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Muggings, armed robbery, gang violence, even school shootings – there was a particularly unsettling school shooting at Middletown High a few months ago whose perpetrators you may remember being a knock-off Joker gang.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
That being said, Bruce Wayne has been a notable advocate for gun control since he was a child.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
It started out with protests, but when he returned from his eat-pray-love journey around the world, he started throwing the full weight of his company and influence behind actual legislative change:

[Attached images: The first is a picture of fifteen year old Bruce Wayne in the middle of a march; he has a sign held above his head that reads “NO MORE ORPHANS.” The second image is a screencap of a news headline from the _Gotham Gazette_ that reads “Wayne Enterprises cuts all ties with gun manufacturers, NRA.”]

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
In recent years, he’s provided each student in the city with one of those backpacks that has a bulletproof board in it and, once WayneTech began manufacturing them, bulletproof hoodies.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Bulletproof items and clothing are EXPENSIVE, and Wayne literally pays for these out of pocket. Students get to keep them whether they graduate or not, and get a new one if/when they grow out of their old one.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Wayne also holds the unpopular belief that police should not carry firearms. He has not been shy about critiquing the GCPD for being overly militarized, stating that it only increases distrust from from citizens and is dangerous when mixed with the corruption they're known for.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Thanks to Wayne’s efforts, it is now illegal in Gotham to keep a firearm at home without a gun safe. If you want to buy a gun, there’s a mandatory week long waiting period plus a background check.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
He's one of the biggest backers right now of a bill that, if passed, would prohibit anyone found guilty of domestic violence from purchasing a gun. Odds of it passing are slim given how many cops have domestic violence charges in their background, but still. 

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Now, granted, corruption in Gotham is rampant, and a lot of these measures rely on a bureaucracy that works properly in order to be truly effective. But having these measures is better than none at all, and gun crime rates ARE going down.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Most importantly, deaths by gun violence are going down. Fewer children died from gun violence, accidental or otherwise, last year than ever before.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
He covers hospital bills for shooting survivors and funeral costs for victims. He's vowed that no one will have to choose between staying alive and falling into debt, unrecoverable or not.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
This is not to say that Wayne deserves ALL the credit for the progress made. He works extensively with grassroots leaders to cover costs, help organize, and even provide financial support during strikes.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
And all this, because his parents were shot in front of him as a child and he didn’t want any other kid to have to go through something like that again.

 **Gemma K.** @4caratG · 5h  
Batman whomst? Bruce Wayne is the real hero of Gotham City.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Bruce,” Dick says, not looking up from a folder of papers as he strides into one of the living rooms, “Alfred said you were in here. Can I get your opinion – “

He looks up and pauses.

A very grumpy looking Bruce is currently the cream in a Clark and Diana Oreo sandwich on one of the couches.

“I can, uh, come back later?”

“Don’t you dare leave me here with them,” Bruce hisses.

“Dick!” Diana says with a warm smile. “Come join us.”

“We read Bruce’s memoir,” Clark says by way of explanation. “And then we realized Bruce is getting old, and…”

“You freaked?” Dick asks with an amused laugh. Clark and Diana grin sheepishly. “Well, who am I to turn down a hug from the Trinity?” Dick says, and, much to Bruce’s consternation, moves to join them by sitting right on Bruce’s lap.

“This isn’t what I meant by ‘don’t leave me,’” he grumbles.

“Shut up, old man,” Dick teases. “You can’t pretend to be a hard-ass anymore; I read that book too. I know how much you love us.” He wiggles for a second, extracting his phone from the pocket of his pants. “Hey, selfie?”

“Say ‘justice!’” Diana says with a grin, and Dick snaps a pic of them smiling (except Bruce) and a pic of them all making goofy faces ( _including_ _Bruce_ ).

“Send that to me, please,” Clark says.

“Oh, the whole Justice League is getting copies of this,” Dick says. Jason’s already pinging his phone with cry-laughing emojis and accusations that he’s rude bastard for hanging out with Diana without him.

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Bruce says.

“Hm, too late,” Dick says, tucking his phone away and snuggling into the Trinity Hug.

“Dick. You are a _grown man_.”

“And you’re an _old man_ , but that doesn’t mean you don’t still deserve hugs. Shut up and accept our love, Bruce.”

“Yeah, Bruce,” Clark says with a laugh. “Shut up and accept our love.”

 

* * *

 

_For Alfred and Leslie, for being there when no one else was._

_For Dick, Jay, Tim, Cassie, Damian, and Duke, for being the light in my darkness._

_For Mom and Dad. I hope I make you proud._

 

* * *

 

** _XIX. Reflections_ **

Sometimes, I look at my kids and think raising them is the only good thing I’ve ever done. It seems silly, coming from me, a billionaire, but it's so easy to forget sometimes living in a city like Gotham when every step forward is almost always followed by two steps back. I've poured millions, possibly even billions, into building and refurbishing low-income housing, community centers, grocery stores, any kind of infrastructure I can think of to help this city's vulnerable populations - and yet I can't tell you how many times some kind of battle or villainous plot has destroyed all that work just a week after locations like those open.

My children, however - in them, I can see hope, passion for change, and the will necessary to make it happen. I can see a legacy that will outlive me and the assurance that when I die, my causes will not be abandoned.

- _A Shot in the Dark_ , page 268

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comic references:  
> -"bee gee wayne" is from wonder twins #1. please see [these panels](https://why-i-love-comics.tumblr.com/post/182810923781/wonder-twins-1-it-gets-weirder-2019-written) for the funniest canon bruce content ever tbh  
> -the first three paragraphs of alfred's forward come from batman (2016) annual #3 (father's day). please read for that good good father-son bruce n alfred content
> 
> sorry for accidentally getting political but you're out of your goddamn mind if you think bruce wouldn't be extremely pro gun control lmao @ zak snyder get rek'd (i actually love batfleck but the gun thing was SO ooc) 
> 
> the alcoholism thing is...idk you can decide if bruce actually dealt w alcoholism or not. i just thought that bruce, upon writing his memoir, would have to reckon with a lot of things about his public image, and the excessive drinking would be one of the things he'd definitely have to address. 
> 
> EDIT 2/18/20: minor grammar/word choice changes and a few tweaks to the social media posts. i had some very lib/centric pseudo billionaire apologism in here before, and upon rereading i really hated it. any decent batman media should be critical of the police state, and since the police state goes hand in hand with protecting the interests of the ruling class...i'm not saying bruce is perfect (because he really isn't lmao), but there's a lot of things he could do to drastically reduce crime with his money according to his characterization (like eliminate homelessness in gotham at minimum) that dc won't let him do bc he's a serialized character they rely on to make a profit and i'm just trying to work around that while still staying true to what his character should stand for. 
> 
> WHEW ANYWAY fun fact the goodreads review from "peter" is indeed jason, yes he has two goodreads accounts, no don't ask me what his main is. he's gotta bust bruce's chops even online, ok. also i can't believe i forgot about the bruce wayne: murderer/fugitive thing omfg so i added a chapter into the book about that.
> 
> as always, links to my tumblr and twitter are on my profile. thanks for reading and for all the nice comments! i'm blown away by how much people seem to love this fic that started out as just a funny little joke between my friend and i, wow. love you guys!


End file.
